A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
