Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
