There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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