blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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