i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the liver wants what the liver wants
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
