I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
