So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
