I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
