drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
