Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
