dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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