broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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