problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
