Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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