Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
