You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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