i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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