Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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