i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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