i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
