Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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