Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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