Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
