i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
