we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
