its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
