And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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