she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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