she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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