Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
