His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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