Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
