Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
