Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
