both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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