Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
