fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
