We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
