I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
