i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
