i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
