went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
