I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
