I think I won the penis lottery.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
