So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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