what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
