Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Semen is not good for contacts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
