i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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