i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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