But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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