I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
