So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
