But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
