i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
