you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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