The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
