Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
